A victim or a survivor?
Whenever someone asks a person with disability, the nature of his disability, I have many times heard them replying, "I am ‘suffering’ from so and so disease" or those who have contracted polio say, "I am a polio victim"... But when someone asks me about the nature of my disability, I always say, “I am a polio survivor’’. Can you feel the difference between both statements? Yes, there is a difference of two words used in these two statements. In the first one the word 'victim’ is used to describe the state of one’s condition and in the latter one, the word ’survivor’ is used.
The reason of my using this word 'survivor’ is that I believe in life. Life...which is so beautiful, which is gifted to us only once, which gives meaning to our existence! To go through this wonderful experience called life I had to survive. I had to live. I had to nurture it. How could I ever let a small micro-organism or that polio virus victimize me? And that micro-organism which doesn’t even have the proof of its own existence as scientists still remain confused whether viruses are living or non living!
Victim playing or self-victimization is the fabrication of victim-hood. It might have many reasons behind it. It can be done to justify abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy or attention seeking.
The playing of the role of “poor me” is often done for manipulation. One tries to portray oneself as victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from others. Those who are caring and conscientious people meltdown to see anyone suffering, and the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to exploit them or to get sympathy or their cooperation.
Unfortunately such persons inauthentically behave as if they are in the worst possible situations even if they have reasonable opportunities to change their situations. Their attitude is "Look I have tried so hard still...” or "I am helpless” or “I am blameless” or their answers would be characterized by such pleas as, “what do you expect of a man who(a)comes from a broken home;(b)is neurotic;(c)is suffering from a disease”?
It is mentally not healthy if we keep on considering ourselves as victims. The feeling of being victimized by anyone or life’s condition is debilitating and demoralizing. If one feels a victim one would remain disturbed, confused, fearful, frustrated and angry. One would not be able to trust anybody. Consequently one’s sufferings would be aggravated by emotional and psychological outbursts.
One needs to prevent oneself from this victimization complex and stop perceiving falsely as being victimized. Nobody listens to excuses forever. If one continues to do so, soon people would stop listening to one’s hue and cry. Soon one would be labelled as ‘bogus’. No one is going to be with us every time we need help. We need to be genuine in our feelings and trust our own abilities. So what would you like to called as..A VICTIM or a SURVIVOR????
Abha Khetarpal
President
Cross the Hurdles
