Staring is a bad habit!
When I was in my late teens, outings or attending marriage parties in a wheelchair or with callipers and crutches literally meant a kind of punishment for me. Of course the inaccessible places were the major cause of discomfort, but this predicament was all the more accentuated by the gaping eyes of the people, which used to be all set on me, since my whole being seemed to be against the “norm” to this appearance obsessed society.
Going out was nothing less than imprisonment as I, being a young girl, used shrink and shrivel into my own self. Squirming with discomfort, I wanted to become invisible as it was difficult to tolerate those scanning and surveying eyes. I used to feel myself as a spectacle and they as spectators!
But I am not the only one who has experienced this “Great Indian Stare”…People with disabilities in our country often have to face such stares because of their prosthetic legs, an empty sleeve, unsteady gait, or atrophied muscles. Staring at a physically challenged person establishes disability identity. It tends to create to an absolute difference rather than the acceptance of natural phenomena of human variation.
And then the “programme pity” starts. Onomatopoeic reactions of “ohhs!” and “aahs!”start pouring in with a complete package of unasked advises, remedies and addresses of “self styled babas’’ famous for their miracles about curing the most fatal diseases. Sermons are given on the theory of Karma where the person is enlightened on how the sins of his previous life have resulted in his disability and struggles in the present life.
We are a nation of gazers and watchers. When people can stare each other without any reason even at traffic signals, then how can they stop looking fixedly at a person who walks “awkwardly” or communicates using a sign language! Any deviation from the usual and established norm would make them turn around and see!
But what could really be behind all those stares? Now I realize that there can be many reasons:
- Projecting negative feelings for the disfigured bodies
- Ignorance
- Ill at ease with anything that appears “different”
- Fear of the unknown problem
- Anxiety due to imagination of themselves in the same condition
- Just a curiosity or
- Mean spirit
Stares and turning around to see can be very embarrassing for a person with disability. There is a risk of their being internalizing the negativity which is received as vibes from the person who is staring. One might develop negative body image or complexes of many kinds. One can withdraw inside one’s own shell feeling all the more cut off from the mainstream. Swirling emotions might push them or pressurize them to give in or isolate them with feelings of frustrations, imperfections and false expectations.
An alternative way, which a better and a positive one to deal with such situations, is to consciously shed the negativity by feeling confident. One can look directly at the person and smile. A simple ‘hello’ can dissolve the tension. This would even humanize oneself. Try to satisfy the curiosity of the gazer by inviting questions. We don’t have to be judgmental about the intentions of the onlookers. They might be admiring us for our strength in facing the challenges. People might be watching because everybody is so different from the next. If they are not sensitive and educated enough we need to educate them about our disability and challenges.
It is not only that the able bodied people stare at the people with disability. Sometimes it is the other way round. Those who feel offended when stared at, also stare at others with a disability too. Inadvertently they tend make a comparison between their own situation and that of the other disabled person as if they try to visually determining who is worse or what there is in common. This is natural psychologically but it should not hurt anybody.
The need is to remain unaffected by other people who mainly focus on limitations. A shield has to be developed that has the potential to protect our determination, our feelings of self-worth, and our positive attitude.
Recognition of diversity relates closely to the promotion of body equity. Here we should not get confused between equity and equality. There is difference between the two. Equity is defined as “freedom from bias or favouritism,” whereas equality is “the quality or state of being equal”. Human beings are present in a wide variety of sizes and shapes and have different physical characteristics and abilities. This diversity should be accepted, respected, and valued. Bodies of others have to be respected even when they are different from their own bodies.
So please stop staring! It is a bad habit!!
Abha Khetarpal
President
Cross the Hurdles
