Pity is injurious to health!
Pity is a deceptive emotion. It may seem that the person is caring and taking interest in another human being but if we take a closer look at it we may find that the person is actually distancing himself from the object of pity. We may be made to believe that the person wants to take away pain, misery and suffering. but pity, in no way, shares another person’s reality. It tends only to remark upon another person’s condition.
Pity takes a person far away equality and respect. The sense of pity towards the persons with disabilities can make people offer lip service or donations or temporary monetary support or subsidies. But they would never offer them a good job, or approve of them dating with their sisters or brothers, sons or daughters. Pity is almost same as contempt and fear. It comes when people feel uncomfortable with other person’s situation or physical condition. We all have heard statements like, ” Thank God! my child doesn’t have such a problem”, from people when they see a kid with disability.
It creates separation and inequality between people. Pity comes in the guise of benevolence but in reality it is destructive. How can people live together in a community, respecting each other as human beings, if one group feels superior to the other for any reason.
Pity gives encouragement to paternalism i.e. it tends to control people on the basis of disability. It implies that we are less able and have less of a right to run our own lives. In the form of pity, we see some kind of wonder look or we can say bewilderment, on the faces of people who pass on us on the streets, that what we are doing out in public!
As pity from someone else can be destructive, pity on ones own self self can prove to be more damaging, venomous or toxic takes us away from our own reality. We are not ready to accept even ourselves. The how can we dare to expect that the others accept us unconditionally. Being infatuated by the illusionary comforts, we start hating our bodies and our situation. We may start comparing ourselves with others, completely ignoring our own inherent qualities and abilities. We tend to become paranoid. There develops a feeling of suspicion in our minds that every one around is hates us or they do not want us. With physical disabilities, we then become more prone to develop an unhealthy state of mind. We can’t love, we can’t trust and we can’t even believe in God due to such narrowing down of spectrum of our minds. We need to be our best friend. But due to self pitying we become our worst enemies. Sometimes those who pity themselves and demand concessions and preferences for everything on the basis of their physical conditions. For example some men with disabilities try to win over girls by showing them that how difficult and painful it is to be ”disabled”. With such an attitude they might even lose genuine love and friends. They may then become all the more isolated and lonely.
Disability is a part of a person’s whole identity. Pity, either on self or on any other person considers disability to be the pivotal issue around which a person’s individuality or identity rests. Pity comes with a cost of one’s own dignity and personhood. It makes a person believe that disability is a private problem which demands faith and fortitude from families along with demanding generosity from viewers. Though our Indian culture, from the time immemorial, has laid stress on having pity on the weak and the deprived, but pity is nothing less than a kind of ostracism. So please stop pitying others and above all stop pitying yourself for any kind of loss suffered in life!
It is absolutely harmful and injurious to a person’s mental health!
Abha Khetarpal
President
Cross the Hurdles
